When thinking about how to get your ex back, you may have a strong desire to talk things through with your ex… you might think that if you could get them to sit down and discuss the problems in your relationship you might be able to convince them not to end the relationship. You might think that the easiest way to get them back might be to sit down and calmly discuss their grievances and once you have overcome all their objections they will happily come running back to you.
Please don’t kid yourself for a minute by thinking that talking things through will ever work. Chances are that even offers to attend counseling on your own or together are probably going to fall on deaf ears. Chances are that if your relationship was on a downhill slide for a while an offer to discuss any problems or attend counseling will appear to be a last ditch effort to manipulate your ex into getting back together.
This is not to say that counseling doesn’t have its place in a relationship. Counseling can be a very powerful and effective tool to help cement your relationship once both you and your partner have decided that getting back together is what you both desire. A counselor can be an impartial referee that can point out areas that both of you might wish to work on separately and together to help enhance your relationship.
As far as wanting to sit down with your ex and discuss what went wrong in the relationship, for the moment, nothing good can come of this. Any desire that you might say you have for “closure” or some sort of understanding of what went wrong stands little chance of being helpful to you. Haven’t you been hurt enough as it is? Why subject yourself to further rejection? Why do you want to know in detail why this person who loved you so much at one time now desires to be apart from you? Spare yourself the pain, retain your dignity and leave that discussion for another day.
Now is the time for you to rebuild yourself and heal from the wounds that you have suffered at the hands of your ex. Yes, it may be helpful at some point to take an inventory of yourself and see if there is any truth in the accusations that your ex has hurled at you. See if your ex has indeed pointed out any areas that you also feel are unacceptable in your life and set about to make some changes if you feel that YOU might benefit in the long run.
Again, there is nothing wrong with visiting a counselor if that is the route that you wish to take. But your first order of business before inviting them along or discussing “what’s wrong with you” should be to set about formulating a game plan on how to get your ex back.